No Signal by Matthew Barton

Beeeeep. No signal, the phone said. I can’t call Meridith and tell her that her cat’s dead. I can’t call Terry and set up that wood delivery, get a fire going. It’s horrible cold.

Beeeeep. Yes? Barbara? Yes, Agatha. Oh, ok, yeah, sorry Carol. Yeah, bye.

Beeeeep. I can’t get in contact with anyone I want to speak to. Apparently Barbara’s dead. They never told me, wasn’t even invited to the funeral. Mind you I wouldn’t have gone, but I would have liked an invite at least.

Beeeeeeeeeeeep. I think it’s on its last legs, I’ve been expecting a call from my son all week, I bet he can’t get through.

Beeeeeeeeeeeep. Hello? Yes, Ted? Yes hello! No Ted it’s me. Agatha. Agatha. Annie’s sister? Yeah. Yeah I’m fine, not much to do these days, you know how it is. Oh, god. Ted. I’m sorry to hear that Ted, I hope you get better soon. Yeah. Yeah of course. You too. Yeah. Bye bye. Bye Ted.

Beeeeeeeeeeeep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeee- Now the bloody thing won’t shut up. I keep telling the Nurse that the phone’s broken but she never listens.

They lied to me, Barbara’s fine. She came round for tea. Oh, you’ll have to excuse me, Ted’s at the door.”